Numb
by Animemaniagirl
Summary: Usagi has finally had enough of the urges of her family and friends all around her to do better. What happens when the pressure caves in and she can’t handle it anymore? A one shot fic.


"Numb"

Written Wednesday, September 8, 2004 ?:?? p.m.

Finished Thursday, September 9, 2005 ?:?? a.m.

Disclaimer: I do not own Sailor Moon, please don't sue me or use this fan fiction without my permission. Enjoy.

Summary: Usagi has finally had enough of the urges of her family and friends all around her to do better. What happens when the pressure caves in and she can't handle it anymore? This story has no relation what so ever with Fading Harmony, my other Sailor Moon fic, just in case any of the reviewers get any ideas. A one-shot/song-fic using Linkin Park's song Numb. That's how I got the title, duh.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be  
Feeling so faithless, lost under the surface  
I don't know what you're expecting of me

It was a raining on a Saturday morning, and for Usagi, it was no ordinary day. She didn't get much sleep last night, her conscious keeping her up all night. Dark circles loomed under her blue eyes, her skin paler than ever. She had her traditional style of odango buns she wore everyday, but today was it was messily put together and many strands of golden hair were hanging loosely.

Usagi had on her school uniform, a bit wrinkled but nonetheless she wore it on a weekend.

She sat in front of the vanity table where an oval mirror drew her reflection. Usagi could see how horrible her condition was, but she easily covered herself up with heavy make-up. Everyone was so convinced nothing was wrong as she had acted like her normal self these past two weeks, only this time, she was faking it all.

Put under the pressure, of walking in your shoes  
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you

It took her two weeks to realize what a big no body Tsukino Usagi was. Two weeks for the cheerful, ditzy person to turn into something no one expected.

Sure, she was Sailor Moon secretly and fought to protect the Earth with the other senshi. But still, Usagi felt the longing for being someone better. Not even half the city knew about her secret identity, and without barely anyone knowing, she was just Usagi.

There goes Usagi, always late for school in the morning. Rushing everyday once her alarm clock timer goes off a third time after she hit the snooze button for the first two alerting buzzes.

There goes Usagi, never does any homework. Always stays up late at night and forget about homework once she gets home.

There goes Usagi again, with her whining and childish behavior. Day after day getting scolded by her parents for her lousy test grades, and by her friends for slacking off.

I've become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

Tears immediately erupted from the corners of her eyes. She quietly cried to herself, no one to comfort her as her shoulders trembled as she tried to subside the tears. Her hands curled up into fists, feeling just so tired and awake, aware of the troubles that she never took seriously.

Her parents, mostly her mother, with the strict nature when it came to school. She remembered the many times she was yelled at for failing test after test along with her dropping grades.

'Usagi! How could you do so badly on such an average test?' 

'_What exactly do you plan on doing with your future career, young lady? Do you realize how much trouble your Father and I are going to try and send you to a good college?' _

'_You'll never get anywhere with those low grades! Honestly, sometimes I don't know how you can not even try for an effort to study!' _

'_I've spoken with most of your teachers today. They're worried you'll never pass high school. They have expectations from you, and if you won't learn to live up to them, you won't ever succeed in anything. Do you hear me, Usagi? Someday you'll regret ignoring these lectures I'm giving you. You'll understand when you're older.' _

Can't you see that you're smothering me?  
Holding too tightly, afraid to lose control  
'Cause everything that you thought I would be  
Has fallen apart, right in front of you

Sniffling, she rubbed her sore eyes and grabbed a tissue to blow her nose with. It was still so early in the morning; of course no one would hear her. No one was even awake yet.

The room was greatly darkened and gloomy from the gray skies cast and the miserable sound of _tap tap tap _each time a raindrop hit the shut window only made Usagi feel worse and worse.

Her heart ached each time she thought of her parents, her friends, and most of all, her boyfriend, Chiba Mamoru. They were all so important to her, yet she had again and again failed them each time.

She knew she could do better than this, but emotionally she was falling apart faster on the inside. It was starting to show from her looks, but all the time she had reassured everyone she was just "a little tired" or "just needed a little rest."

Lied right to their concerned faces, and kept the fake image of herself for these weeks. There wasn't any explanation she wanted to give them or tell them. It was already too late for all that now. Something else was supposed to be done now.

(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
Every step that I take is another mistake to you  
(Caught in the undertow, just caught in the undertow)  
An' every second I waste is more than I can take

Taking a piece of blank paper and a pen, she begun to write a detailed, yet short note addressed them those whom she cared for dearly. It was something that everyone would last see before she was gone.

Setting the pen down, she didn't bother with anything else and didn't falter to look around her room for one last time before walking out and down the stairs with soft footsteps.

Slipping on a pair of shoes, a warm wool coat, and taking an umbrella with her, she headed out the door; locking it behind her.

Opening the umbrella, she shielded herself from the heavy rain splattering down at the ground. Small puddles formed, but the streets were still clear with no one on the streets.

As she walked blocks and blocks to an unknown destination, a few cars passed on the roads sloshed with the water from the rain.

Usagi kept her face downcast, her eyes narrowed a bit and looked forward; as if squinting to look at something a great distance from herself. The wind was low and calm, as thunder crackled a bit in the dark clouds.

Ever since she had been sad so much lately, she stopped thinking she was just sad. Maybe she was even depressed in a way. The way her emotions worked now, it seemed all so new to Usagi.

No matter how hard she had tried to fight these feelings, the thought of committing a certain task was out of her range. That is, until she wondered more and more about it. It was then things started to slide into place like a puzzle, finally revealing to herself what she should do.

I've become so numb  
I can't feel you there  
Become so tired, so much more aware  
I'm becoming this, all I want to do  
Is be more like me and be less like you

Usagi's journey wasn't too long, as she had been to her destination on many occasions before. She stood before the tall structure on the outside, glancing up and studying it hard for a few minutes.

Then, she entered into the building and went into the elevator. Her index finger punched in the highest level of it. It took a while, but she finally arrived on the roof level of the Tokyo Tower.

The sky looked closer to Usagi now, and she averted her eyes, frightened by the darkness in them. The rain had stopped when she had gotten here.

It wasn't until she started to think about everyone she had ever spent her life with. They would mourn for her, especially Mamo-chan.

Usagi smiled thinly for the first time since the two weeks. Just thinking about the love of her life, imagining the look on his face once he knew what she was going to do. She wasn't coming back, but it was for the best she could think of.

The diamond ring on her finger, it was the sign of their love together. They were supposed to married someday, and rule Crystal Tokyo together.

'If Rei were here right now, though, she would scream at me what an idiot I'm being for even doing this. But she's not here. No one's here to tell me what to do anymore. This is my decision. I've been a disappointment to everyone,' she thought sadly.

It was true, since what everyone had said all those times, telling her to try harder, do better; she should've listened to them. And now, their voices echoed in her mind. The guilt for failing, it was literally killing her from the inside. Usagi couldn't bear it any longer.

And I know  
I may end up failing too  
But I know  
You were just like me  
With someone disappointed in you

Reaching in the front of her coat, she grasped her henshin brooch she always wore on her school uniform. Raising it in the air up high, she called out the familiar phrase she used to always use.

"Eternal Moon Power, Make-up!"

Instantly, her entire body was blinded in a strong white light and the normal clothes she once wore transformed into the senshi uniform.

It was an ironic twist, really. One last time before going away in the uniform of the battle she fought with Sailor Chaos. The memories were still there.

Sailor Moon shivered, her body became suddenly so cold, probably from the lack of clothing right now. But soon, it would be all over.

She could've never lived up to anyone's expectation, that's why she was doing this. The only one she felt she could escape.

She walked over to the edge of one side of the roof, close enough to look down at the streets. It looked like a hard fall.

The wind was starting to pick up, and Sailor Moon didn't do anything. She just stood there, her eyes lost in her own world for seconds before she came back to reality.

It was then her body felt like being encased in a big sheer block of ice, but really, her legs and hands were starting to become numb.

Though, the numbness made her remember something.

What she was doing was selfish.

That made her weak and selfish enough to hurt the people she cared about. But what was the point anymore?

'I'm hurting them because I love them,' Sailor Moon thoughts, letting the coldness in her bones sink in slowly. 'Let's face it; Usagi isn't someone who is good at anything. She's just a person who makes lots and lots of mistakes. Too many mistakes that she cannot correct anymore. Too much ... just too much ...' Her words trailed off as she started to feel very sleepy and her eyes closed for a minute.

She opened them again; taking in the fact she would freeze to death if she fell asleep, even standing up. It was time now.

I've  
Become so numb  
I can't feel you there

Gathering enough courage, she steadied herself to stand on the edge of the roof. The wind was very high now, making strange whispery sounds as if they were trying to speak to her. It blew her long pigtails furiously, the skin on her face cold.

Sailor Moon gave a hopeful look up at the black clouds. 'Please, Kami-sama. Let me be doing the right thing. I don't know what else to do anymore. Help me.'

With a graceful motion, she jumped off the edge and in seconds her entire body was falling faster and faster to hit the ground.

Her heartbeats were racing, strained breaths coming out; her lips half chapped and bleeding.

Suddenly, just meters before crashing into the ground, her brooch begun to glow a white light. She was engulfed in the light as it streamed up the heavens, past the clouds and all the way that even in space and it kept going like forever.

'Gomen nasi ... Minna-san. Chibi-Usa ... ... I'm sorry I'm being such a horrible mother. I'm being selfish and stupid ... But what am I to do? I could've never been the person my parents always wanted ... The type of person my friends want me to be ...'

The white light faded away gradually, as Sailor Moon's heart stopped beating in air, her blood stopped flowing through the veins, the color drained from her face. Her body was limp; her senshi powers seemingly gave her a peaceful death than a painful one as her lifeless body finally hit the ground.

A loud cracking sound came from the now very much dead senshi's body, whose bones shattered with no witnesses.

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

I'm tired of being what you want me to be

I'm tired of being what you want me to be ...

A peaceful look overcame her face, just lying there in the cold; like an angel. Ironically, the moment was spoiled as rain started to pour down at the Earth again.

Her body was getting soaked, and it seemed like forever she was going to be there and someone would see her dead, but then her brooch glowed the same bright light and it flashed greatly.

Once the flash was gone, her body was gone as well. The only thing that was left behind was the single diamond ring that promised of love and hope, still new looking; getting wet from the rain.

Author Note (8/9/04): This I typed up last nigh, 10 pages! I got so tired from it but finally finished and got to bed at around 12 a.m. I spell checked today.


End file.
